remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
