The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
