So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He? As in you personified your dick?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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