im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
