evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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