I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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