she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
