Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
