I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
