it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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