omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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