Nicole vs. Life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
