Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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