i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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