I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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