and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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