Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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