no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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