i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
