Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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