We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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