I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
