last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
