i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
