you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
