The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
