YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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