I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
