Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
