if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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