Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
