I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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