Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
