i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
