First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
