WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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