The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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