Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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