I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
