I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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