i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
