Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
