APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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