can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
