you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
