literally had 100 drinks last night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
