Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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