Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
