I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
