you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
