good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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