i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
