Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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