Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
