Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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