My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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