is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
